Breaking news. As in, breaking my soul, shattering it into millions of tiny pieces. Could this really be true?
It says this guy is rumored, LISTED ON IMDB AS RUMORED, to be Peter Parker. I pray with all my heart for this to not be true. Who am I talking about of course? I'm talking about an asshole named David Henrie.
Okay, so maybe he's not an asshole. No. Whoever posted this rumor is. This guy, if you don't know him, is mainly in a show called The Wizards of Waverly Place...on Disney Channel.
How could a "grittier" version of Spider-Man be carried out by someone who's main job is a Disney Channel comedy, or as Silver, my sister, calls them, shitcom? Really? Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? Is this some kind of sick joke? Why don't you just desecrate any possible hope for redemption from the world of cinema? Why don't you rape my childhood memories even more times? How will I ever be able to believe in God or anything for that matter? This is nearly as bad as the Chace Crawford/Captain America rumor... on second thought, it's that bad.
I'm sorry David Henrie. You seem like a nice guy. So, if you really are a nice guy then I have one request for you.
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM SPIDER-MAN! Thank you.
Now I realize this may sound kind of harsh, but considering this guy is not ready for something that big, and the need for perfect casting is just too delicate, I have my reasons for saying stuff like this. Especially since Spider-Man was one of my first real movies. So yeah. Those are my thoughts. Don't like them? Well, then, as Eric Cartman would say, suck my balls (if I had any). Since I don't have any, you can suck Eric's balls. So there. I may be a teenager, but my taste in movies is definitely not that low.
3 comments:
Thank you for the belly laugh, Chaos! I literally guffawed until I cried.
Why thank you. But you do agree that if he was to be Peter Parker, this would be a disaster, right?
Oh, undoubtedly! I hope it's just a vile rumor.
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